Black Flower Blooming


tree outside my window
blows in the wind
It bows to me 
reminds me of who I am
Outside these four walls
Only a few days 
of loving in our lifetime 
Living in the moment
I now feel dying 
last days of dying
Windy season
leaves give forth 
one final burst of color 
a shooting star 
falls into the 
embrace of winter
Soon I will be still again 
Soon you will be still again
Soon we will be still again
ending of what we were 
I find inside all I don't want to face
anger, jealousy, ego. 
ugly head of this monster 
can peer forth any moment. 
Only a few thoughts of broken trust 
of dreams that didn't come true 
expectations that didn't materialize
Of all the words 
that were spoken and I believed 
it's taken little to trigger the gun 
that shoots forth my life force
Humbly so human 
it's this humanity 
It's killing me
Dissolution 
I'm dying by pieces
Someday of this humanity
nothing will be left. 
there will be no more anger 
there will be no more jealousy
there will be no more hate 
there will be no more ego 
All which will be left
unfixed parts of ourselves 
which only know love 
accept life
accept that which I do not want to accept
accept them as my dream reality
Touch them 
hold them 
feel them 
love them 
until they are free 
I face the hurt
underbelly 
of what we were 
I love living 
dying now eats me 
its kernel every relationship
dear black flower 
You bloomed in fullness
Our death in my mouth 
Our poison in my veins
Our sorrow in my voice 
In this with you 
I am empty 
as I once was
Our situation 
compels me 
to walk through fire 
swim turbulent waters
praying for the courage 
to complete 
the life death 
circle to spiral 
be born 
anew

***

David Penn Arndt in autumn of 1989 in Indiana, Pennsylvania.

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