Setting Sisyphus Free

Setting Sisyphus Free

***

Down the corridors of time ran into a wispy figure in the darkness, no stars in the nighttime sky, just the feeling of something ominous on the horizon.

So feeling anxious and unsure which stop to get off at, I chose to return to what is said to be the origins of Western Civilization, ancient Greece. 

The brochure said there would be opportunities to meet Socrates or Plato unless they were lost in the intellectual mind, a place many have never returned from, according to the wispy figure whispering these things in my ear, who I get the sense, is no fan of Western Philosophy. 

He speaks incoherently to me, red beady eyes looking out of his cloaked head. There is the smell of olives gone bad on his breath. A warm breeze blows away my doubts about going further despite any reservations. The moon slowly appears in the sky, announcing its presence. The stars stop hiding but begin falling, which fills me with terror. The whispering cloaked man gathers the stars that have fallen. Still whispering throws them randomly at the sky, creating new constellations and undoubtedly pissing off millennia of astrologers, who will now have to start over from scratch in mapping out a new system to attempt to interpret that which can't be fixed in space and time. 

The cloaked man with the bad breath belches, and this white mist comes from his mouth that fills all appearances with a white cloudlike fog of amnesia. There is a slow forgetting that begins and overtakes me.

Eventually, I find myself naked in a celestial garden. There is a broken egg. It was large, and then I realized I am covered in phlegm-like slime and realized I was devoid of any memories of the past. 

But I remember my name, "David," but that is it. Everything is just pure experience. There are no concepts. There is falling with no ground. There is climbing with no endpoint. A boulder falls down the mountain. Some figure is cursing it while he chases it down the mountain. 

It is Sisyphus. He stops briefly and tells me I am in the wrong place and should run. He claims to have been pushing this boulder up this mountain for eternity, claims he can't take it anymore. He is depressed and says for eons that he has found meaning in his dilemma. Still, at this point, it is hard for him to find meaning in his situation. Wonders if I would mind taking over with the boulder, so he can take a break, see what he has missed since beginningless time, wonders if I would be willing to help him out, but only if I can find meaning in it, he says if the meaning is lost, the future world will descend into nihilism. 

This is not what I want. More responsibilities. Now I am being asked to push this damn rock up this mountain repeatedly, under the threat of the world descending into nihilism. Who does this dude think I am.

Then some memories of millennia return, dreams, forgotten stories, childless mothers, moons that never rise, suns that never set, water flowing backward, memories thought lost found washed up on the shore of time, which freezes in place so I can view it longer. After observing the rise and fall of empires and the extinction of species, dinosaurs playing cards in a prehistoric soundscape, I can smell something never smelled before, so says the crow that has landed on my shoulder, who instructs me to say the following, despite my requests that all my memories be returned first, the crow plays hardball, tells me to speak or I will even lose the memory of my name.

Alright, enough negotiations with a crow who wants me to set Sisyphus free once and for all. Enough with the boulder. There is no point anymore. 

" I got some bad news for you, Sisyphus. Despite you pushing this boulder endlessly, the world I come from has already descended into nihilism, truth has been castrated, and it's "looking bad out there, high water everywhere" Sysyphus, I suggest you stop wasting time with the boulder. Go off, forget about Zeus and the Greek gods. They were killed off long ago. Then Christ was killed, the list goes on and on, the sacredness of the world has been stolen, most human beings view nature on screens, experience is carefully monitored, truth died a painful death of which we are nearly inevitable, and the early reports from reconnaissance groups support this assessment, they can't find a trace of truth, not even a trail, a clue, one piece of evidence showing it even ever existed, history has ended, the youth are being led by the Pied Piper of ignorance who has seduced them with cell phones, the youth have left this world, they live entrapped in some virtual rabbit hole to nowhere. Still, mindlessness, there are some exceptions, but generally, this is the situation. 

No one saw the pied piper of ignorance coming. It was a shock. No one was prepared. We were infiltrated so quickly defense was impossible, quickly his bag of tricks, with false promises dressed in jewels and with legal documents, for properties no one can afford, but which claim to be safe spaces in samsara, whatever you wish is in the Pied Pipers bag, we never stood a chance.

The Pied Piper has been around since beginningless time. There are two paths one can take. If you persist in hardship, you reach a fork in the road. One road has the Pied Piper and his minions beckoning. There are shopping malls in the sky. Mcdonald's has been contracted for meals, which must explain why Ronald McDonald, who is dressed as daffy duck, and Goofy and the Disney crew in all their glory drop bread crumbs and vouchers for cell phones, which the youth blindly follow until they get interviewed for a job, get the job, live in a sea of cubicles in a warehouse office spirit slaughterhouse. They get married and have children, go to church at Dunkin Donuts, and engage in holy rites around sophisticated marketing techniques, where one is programmed to believe, this is all there is, better get it. At the same time, the getting is good, then after living cookie-cutter lives of deep anguish, they face death with great regret, not because they missed some blue light special or sale, but because they recognize they took the wrong path, that they gave up what mattered most, and live their final moments in terror. 

But I have to confess they are taking the wrong path. It is understandable. 

When you look at the other road at the fork, it is dusty and not well maintained, there are no shopping malls, nothing exciting, and there is a sign that says,

 "Hardship, suffering, and death are not far off around the next corner."

A clown is walking in circles. He is old and seems retired. I guess this is because his clown outfit faded long ago and has holes. He is dirty. If there was a red bulbous nose or wig, it was lost long ago, just an old man crying, muttering endlessly, "Best not to begin, best not to begin." But he says it with great regret. 

His suffering is so immense I try to comfort him, but he is inconsolable. He can barely speak. I ask him what happened. He says he started down the path of the Pied Piper but recognized it to be all lies, so he backtracked and escaped to the fork, where he has been for millennia, too afraid to take the other path, though he knows it to be the only path worth taking, the path that leads home, he is scared.

He wants a path with no suffering or hardship, preferably something he can purchase with a limited budget. He wants written guarantees of lasting happiness, inner peace, and freedom from death, and he wants someone to carry him on the road.

I say," I get now why you have been here for millennia. I know another fellow who has been pushing a boulder endlessly up a mountain I am trying to help out. Like you, he has been at an impasse, seemingly fixed, endlessly doing the same thing, trying to maintain a sense of meaning in life. I am going to tell you what I plan to say to him. Just leave the past behind, and get on the path. That line you mutter, "Best not to begin," comes from Trungpa Rinpoche. He was playing, you see, some paths once you begin, there is no going back, you either go up or down, but this is good news, once you have started this path, there is no going back when you take that first step, there is only the path, it will be harrowing and full of hardships, but nothing like your suffering now, you must make your own choices, but this seems like the one thing you have not tried, despite your fear, what other choice is there. But I can't carry you. We all are connected but walk this path alone until slowly things begin to change, but not until we have nearly given up on or run away from the path, only when least expected does change happen, only when we surrender, when we let go and be. I can't say I know this to be true experientially 100%, but I know those who have taken this path brought back treasures and showed me there was something so different about those who had truly taken this path. They had no fear. They were waterfalls of love and compassion. They were lightning wisdom bolts capable of blowing up ignorance and the notion that anything is fixed, solid, or just one unmoving set way. They had a certain joy I had never witnessed. But most impressive was their equanimity. They were there equally for everyone, without exception. Because of this, especially the experience of undying love, I trusted, and that's why I walk this dusty road, my family and others think me crazy, but in the end, I never felt there was any choice. I went down so many dead-end streets, I went to hell and learned the meaning of the "Fear of God," I hurt others and suffered the consequences, I thought myself so special, fixed myself in some lofty place, only to have the clouds pulled out from underneath me, to be humbled and realized "I" knew nothing. Somehow after a lifetime of trying to figure out things, this was liberating. Life was not what it appeared to be. Somehow not figuring out allowed the spontaneous self-arising answers to questions I did not know I had. So I apologize for all the words but take the first step. I share this to tell you it is worth it."

The clown looked at me; differently, he said, "I have been waiting for someone to tell me it is ok to walk this path for so many lifetimes, sitting here at this fork, being made fun of by the Pied Piper, who by the way stole my red nose. But fuck it, enough of wasting so much time."

Then in the sky appeared the faces of all those suffering, all sentient beings, the earth, worms in a storm gutter, cluster flys in the window, people in high powerful places choking on gold and money, vomiting up economic systems that suck up the life force of all living, it was unbearable to look at, also for the clown.

I then said. "Don't be overwhelmed by the endless suffering you see in the sky. Let it open your heart, not shut you down. Let that suffering be the reason you take this path because this path will not only end your suffering but allow you to be of true benefit to those suffering, not some worldly bandaid or new belief system. This is the real deal, Mr. Clown. This is your moment. Take the leap."

The clown then took his first steps on the path not taken, turned around, smiled, then vanished, leaving a rainbow ring around the sun, which was mid-conversation with the moon. I missed the conversation, something about "shining" and "guiding." Oh, the North Star appeared as well as what seemed to be three wise men, at least from how they dressed, but they quickly took a left out of sight by a cloud in my peripheral vision.

Tired at this point, I longed for a nap. I did not feel up for Sisyphus and his boulder issue. The clown was unexpected work, good work, but Sisyphus is no clown, so depressed, may be beyond hope, but I can't give up on him, and it was the whole point in me being here.

So I drop out of the sunset to find the Pied Piper tormenting Sisyphus about the boulder, telling him next time he will get it to the top. Sisyphus, so utterly depressed, keeps pushing the boulder crying. 

The Pied Piper disappears, and I go up to Sisyphus and say,

"Look, brother, I am here to help, it's been a long day, so I am going to cut to the chase. I will take the boulder from you, but from then on, you are to never think of it again. You are never to go back in space or time to this mountain or within the habitual imprints of your mind. It would help if you also dropped the poor old Sisyphus pushing the boulder endlessly store line routine. Camus took your situation may be more serious than I do. You are not saving the world from nihilism. The gods you feel bound by died long ago. You're just acting out the age-old script of ignorance and suffering. It's time to drop that, and live life to the fullest, forget the boulder, connect with others, do some physical exercise other than pushing boulders, have a good diet, enjoy this precious life, and when you leave, don't look back and whatever stories you hear in the future about me or the boulder, ignore them, forget me as well, everything is beginning for you now, you are a newborn babe, so much is ahead of you I got the boulder, go on your way, and when the time is right you will reach a crossroads and have to make a decision, you have to make the decision yourself, but don't assume the path most glimmering and full of promises of lasting happiness is the actual path. Things are never what they seem, don't rule out the dusty road with the warning signs."

I took the boulder from Sisyphus. He was crying with gratitude. He wanted to help push. I said, no, this is my job now. You are free, go forth and never look back. This action you are taking, Sisyphus, if you choose wisely, will destroy all nihilism, the key that destroys nihilism strikes it at the root, in your mainstream, not in the "outer world."

Just then, a celestial choir of little people arrives to celebrate Sisyphus's freedom. These little people are real, but not everyone seems to see them. They originate in places in Wales and Ireland in books and crannies in mountain rocks, streams, springs, and waterfalls, and wherever you see a rainbow. 

For the record, a group of these little people set sail for America long before the Vikings or Columbus. The little people settled in the enchanted land of Vermont, especially on the edge of the Green Mountains. In the last valley, they live in harmony, wondering if humans will ever do the same.

The last thing I remember of Sisyphus is him dancing and singing poetic songs of Homer and Dylan, as he danced down the mountain with the little people, songbirds, and butterflies and then vanished. 

Then it is just me with the boulder. I stare at it in wonder. How easy is it to get caught up doing the same meaningless thing repeatedly? Yes, anything can be made meaningful, but there comes a time to stop pushing that boulder when it is no longer needed.

So I let that boulder go down the mountain and watch it as it strikes other boulders and cliffs and breaks into a million pieces.

Then I see the Great Eastern Sun rising. Everything is alive and rejoicing. I then feel confident that at a certain point, pushing the boulder for Sisyphus had become some weird ritual of nihilism that he had become oblivious to.

Just then, the crow returned with reports on Sisyphus. He was so happy he went to a pub, the little people made him drink Guinness. He passed out once he had finished his first good meal since, who knows when. His head fell where he ate, in a bowl of salad, but what a big smile was on his sleeping face.

Now I can rest, the Pied Piper, Sisyphus. Why do I have this strange karma to be with such a crew of misfits. Still, I like it. That is why I generally live in Desolation Row, where there is no rent, anything is possible, and you can hang with the wildest crew of characters if you wish.

Right now am going to take a nap on a bed of ocean moss "between the windows of the sea where lovely mermaid's flow," oh "Praise be to Nero's Neptune," it is so good to be home, where I travel in dreams, being understood and accepted,  not that I have to have acceptance. Still, sometimes I confess, I appreciate it, but I must rest and renew because so much awaits all of us, and it is all Good News, more to report later, but may Sisyphus finally be truly free.

May we all make the right choice when we stand at the crossroads of life.

May all sentient beings be free of the boulder they have felt must be pushed endlessly up the mountain of life, only to have it fall back down every time.

May the burden of being become the joy of living. May this be so for every last sentient being.

Any small merit from anything of benefit in these words be dedicated to the elimination of ignorance and the afflictive emotions which are the true enemy of lasting happiness. May these poisons, which are the source of suffering, spontaneously arise as the supreme elixir that will conquer all nihilism, despair, and depression, all of which freeze us in place. And may we all have the courage necessary when we face that critical decision at the fork on the road of life. May we all cross over together, not one sentient being left behind.

***

Written by David Arndt on July 1st, 2019, when he should have been doing other things, but feeling deep compassion and empathy for Sysyphus, he did his best to be of help. Hopefully, I have not made his situation more complicated. Freedom is not easy.

***

David Arndt 2022

***

Artwork Titian’s “Sisyphus