Missing Self

***

Yikes, my family has become concerned by my inability to find any solid fixed self, what to do?

Best to keep quiet about my suspicion of their lack of inherent self.

And who or what has been doing this searching and looking anyhow, like a gerbil spinning on a wheel?

Those Buddhists, I tell you, they appear so peaceful (sometimes ) but are secretly a radical group of self deniers, how wonderfully subversive.

Maybe I have been a Buddhist all along and just realized it.

But then I look for the Buddhist and Bam!

Same problem, there's nothing there.

I must confess enjoying my nonexistent self today, uh oh, that could mean trouble.

Now that I have realized my life is just a dream am wondering what comes next, or if there is a "next."

Maybe I will keep looking a little more to be sure no self is to be found.

The way things are going I might end up a Buddhist.

Now not only can I not find myself, I can't find anyone else either.

I close in on my target, and poof...it disappears or moves, how ungrounding, it's like nothing is what it seems.

I am growing weary of this search for something solid. Time to let go....

If you can find me, please let me know where to look.

I can't find a damn thing no matter how hard I look.

Is this a dream or someone's idea of a joke?

No matter how hard "I" look for myself, I come up empty-handed.

***

David Arndt Forgotten Words Poetry